Absolutely love this piece, Meg! It resonated with me in so many ways.

I was diagnosed at the age of 14 (although my parents didn't actually have "The Talk" with me until I was 17), so, in that respect, some would say I was fortunate to have been diagnosed relatively earlier than many people are.

On the other hand, even following my diagnosis: for a good 15+ years of my life, I did everything humanly possible to hide it (or TRY TO hide it) from anybody new whom I would encounter in my daily life. I was incapacitated with paralyzing fear that others would "find out" and treat me differently -- which, ironically, only caused me to come off as "weird" or "neurotic" to them, anyway (and then still resulted in them treating me differently).

In hindsight, I remember the backhanded compliments of "You seem so normal" (or variations of that) I received from professors, when I (reluctantly) had to go to them to ask for exam accommodations. At that point in time, I actually considered it a relief and low-key praise to hear that from them. From reading your piece, I can now see where I was grappling with internalized ableism...in how I would consider myself "privileged" to be placed in their good graces despite my disability.