Except when the burden is on the individual to "prove" that their identity runs counter to what society expects out of them.

Your last sentence is profound, when you point out how some people "viciously attack" strangers/acquaintances/friends for diverting from those norms. So then what happens when the attack isn't necessarily "vicious"? What if it's passive-aggressive? What if it's uppity? Does the recipient just have to sit back and take it?