First, I want to commend you for writing an extremely honest and heartfelt piece.

To your first point about White people who share their own experiences with police, and how they escaped from it relatively unscathed...I think it's fine to share those experiences as long as they specify that they understand how they were safer than their Black and Brown peers *DUE TO* the existence of white privilege itself. It's meant to be a teachable comparison.

Any person (BIPOC or White) who is trying to shut them down for doing that is simply being a racist ass.

Secondly, there is nothing wrong with White allies asking questions, if we listen first. And the questions need to be presented in an appropriate forum/context. For example, I wouldn't go up to a random Black friend or acquaintance and demand for them to give me a rundown of all the ways they've experienced pain and harassment due to systemic implicit bias. On the other hand, if you're in a venue where BIPOC are actively choosing to share their experiences dealing with various iterations of racism, then asking questions from them (in that venue) is entirely reasonable. Otherwise, they wouldn't be there helping to educate others in the first place.

A lot of people are making this way more complicated than it needs to be.