Hi Marnita!
Excellent conversation. I'll respond with my overall thoughts, if you wish to continue this discussion.
1.) You're absolutely right that I neglected to specify the urban/suburban/rural divide, geographically. I suppose I didn't pay enough attention to it because of how regionalism, much like ageism, tends to be more multidirectional than most of the other "-isms" (especially in systemic contexts). But, yes, absolutely there's a divide based on WHERE people live -- including the link to how BIPOC communities are concentrated in more densely-populated cities along with how Republican politicians leverage that against Democrats.
2.) So regarding the archetype of a White guy at your workplace who goes seeking your affirmation: yes, I also totally agree with you that he is clearly treating you like a token. He is trying to validate his desire to conform to white supremacy by confronting you in an unsolicited manner. You didn't ask for it, and he shouldn't insert himself into your personal space. What really stood out to me, though, is how he is intentionally ignoring (or, alternately, is simply ignorant to) the reality of intersectionality. He is prioritizing and centering his own class oppression that he has faced over your racial oppression that you have faced. And that's wrong -- just like it would be wrong if you did the same to him. He needs to learn how, even as a working-class White person, he benefits from systemic racism just like a wealthy Black person will benefit from systemic classism. I have an upcoming article about "Oppression Olympics," so your observations here are timely for me personally.
3.) In general, I agree with your observation on the empathy folks will often lack -- even when their own friends, relatives, and colleagues are confiding in them. I definitely recognize how it's defensive when someone hears about someone's else's experiences with oppression and then they immediately jump to the conclusion that they are being INVIDIDUALLY blamed for it. No, generally, they aren't. The person who is confiding in them just wants support and understanding -- to be believed. And I believe a majority of people in general have this good-faith desire. Yet, given how they want to be believed regarding their own struggles -- are they willing to reciprocate, when someone trusts them enough to confide in them? And the catastrophizing and gaslighting to which you've alluded is a sign that somebody is defensive and narcissistic (when they engage in that behavior). The one place where I suspect we MIGHT differ is that I view a person sharing their pain/struggle as having the responsibility to REFRAIN FROM assigning guilt-by-association to the person whom they're engaging *before* the conversation itself has even been broached. I hold myself to this standard, as well, when I choose to confide in people about the struggles I've faced in life.
4.) Your point is salient regarding the "Southern Strategy" and the decades-long battle over voting rights. Although I'd argue that LBJ, instead of shrugging, "Oh, I guess Democrats have just lost the South," should have INSTEAD gone into war room mode: "How can Democrats KEEP the South?" And you're right that I could have at least mentioned it in this article; but, as most of us who write on Medium tend to do, I was already self-conscious about the word length. It's definitely a subject I should tackle in future articles -- although I usually only tackle a political issue when I have a clear and actionable remedy for it. I don't believe in peddling the misanthropic Dystopian Porn created by the likes of Jessica Wildfire and Umair Haque.
Thank you for providing firsthand context in response to my article, Marnita; and, again, I'm willing to continue the discussion if you are. I don't see how what I've written contradicts the very valid points you've raised: if you confide in me about a racist scenario fueled white supremacy that you've endured, my FEELINGS *should* be ones of support and solidarity. If my "feelings" immediately cast you as a liar -- then, yes, that would be a bad-faith action from me. But if you and I disagree on what should be the specific remedies should be for dealing with white supremacy, that doesn't give you the right to use my "feelings" as a misnomer to automatically dismiss my ideas without actual constructive critique of my ideas themselves. That's the broader point I'm trying to make in this article.
