I agree with you that men should quit upholding those patriarchal norms. But I'm not sure where you're getting the idea that "most men are desperate to uphold them."

"...get your shit together" sounds like victim-blaming, when, just one sentence before that, you'd outright admitted that men are *policing* other men into doing it. And, of course, you're right about the policing. So how about, instead of sneering "get your shit together," why not express overt support for men and boys who are actively trying to shift the culture of toxic masculinity to a nutric place?

If "get your shit together" was pointedly directed at the men who subscribe to antiquated gender norms (and who insist on attempting to maintain those norms), then you should make that clear.