I think your third/last paragraph, there, is spot-on! And they get "defensive" (ironically!) when you call them out on it...see Rosalyn's rebuttal to me, elsewhere in this Comments Section.

We seem to disagree about the usage of the word "privilege." I don't have a problem with "privilege" as a rhetorical reference to one's unearned advantages...but then, I look at it in a rather clinical, data-driven, and qualitatively-holistic manner. I'm not going around demanding that White people must "repent," the way Robin DiAngelo and her sycophants do.