It absolutely is a difficult balancing act, and I'm in agreement with you that it needs to be undertaken.

As I've said: I think it's GOOD that students feel strong emotion when they learn about the brutality of history. It shows their humanity, and it makes them want to be a proactive part of the solutions to avoid repeating those mistakes and make things better in the present day.

I would ask any educator or diversity trainer: What do they mean by "own up to it"? How much self-flagellation is required from the student or good citizen, if marginalized people are going to view them as an "ally"?

Is there even a one-size-fits-all solution to this?