It seems you might be missing one of the nuances of intersectionality -- it's what I call "The 'Defense Mechanism' Fallacy."

It's where a marginalized or targeted person proceeds to inflict those malicious behaviors onto others, because they no longer wish to be the victim. You sort of hit upon it when you'd cited the example of two playground boys trying to prove their masculinity by ganging up against the "more feminine" person.

Except...

We have a tendency to excuse this behavior by pointing to all the abuse they've suffered throughout their lives. Yet, it's never acceptable for the abused to become an abuser themelves.

If we're going to hold gay men to this standard, then we must also hold women to this standard. And hold Black people to this standard. And Brown people. And people with disabilities. And religious minorities.

Don't turn this into some exercise of "Oppression Olympics" trying to masquerade itself as "radical feminism"...