Well, robi, in fact, race DOES come up during conversations with Black friends or other friends of color. Sometimes they bring it up, sometimes I bring it up. I listen and ask questions, when appropriate (i.e. when a friend is looking for conversation beyond just the cathartic need to vent). But I'm not going to initiate conversation with someone at the risk of making it look/sound as though I'm trying to show pity toward them -- it's more about THEIR comfort level, than mine.

It's not just discomfort...it's about not treating friends as tokens. One can be color-conscious (or color-savvy) when interacting with friends or acquaintances of different racial/ethnic groups, without being the ones to be gratuitously reminding them / pounding into their heads the reality of their lived experiences regarding the systemic trauma they face.