Member-only story
Why It’s Ableist To Challenge My Lack of Eye Contact
Neurotypical privilege involves weaponizing someone else’s visual anxiety against them
From early in my life, I’ve struggled to make eye contact with other people. When I was a young kid, I sort of took this aversion for granted. Since then, I’ve gradually learned more about the spectrum of experiences endured by those of us diagnosed with autism.
In hindsight, it has brought clarity to my “weird” hang-ups from childhood and adolescence.
One of my middle school bullies was a girl named Carrie. Beginning in Seventh Grade, she sensed my vulnerability and found every excuse under the sun to demean and intimidate me.
Eventually, midway through our Eighth-Grade year, Carrie and I would actually become sort-of-friends.
But, for that first year-and-a-half, she was the orca whale…and I was the monk seal.
I remember how Carrie disliked the way in which I made eye contact. She told several of our classmates there was something strange about how I looked at people.
Our mutual friend, Christina, reported this gossip back to me. I felt even more insecure. Was I doing something “wrong” when laying eyes upon people? Was I not smiling enough? Was I smirking…
